Valentine's Day: A Personal Post

Hey everyone! I'm so sorry that I broke my promise of posting again a few days ago but I figured, "Hey, why not do a Valentine's Day comedy sort of thing?"

Psychology will be involved a bit, but that's mostly personal experience involved and its effects on depression. Mine, anyway, it'll be a bit different than someone else's.

I'm currently figuring out the next Psychology Basics installment so this is sort of filler, I guess.

So Tumblr has been putting out these horrible Valentine's Day cards and I'm printing some out to give to my friends tomorrow. The top three are included. I love all of them so, so much.

I have so many more I would put on here. Maybe at the end of this post I'll add in more of my favorites, but I don't want to overload the blog with horrible pictures just yet. Oh well - I guess it will be fine.

In my experience, Valentine's Day doesn't really effect me at all. It's kind of sad, really. Of course, up until this point I hadn't liked anybody in that way yet (Sherlock Holmes doesn't really count - or does he?) and now that I like somebody I know tomorrow might be an entirely different experience.

Otherwise, any loneliness I might experience during depression stays the same.

Of course, for somebody who prefers to be in a relationship, I can imagine it being worse. Valentine's Day may be a "Hallmark holiday" but it still gives us all an excuse to purchase each other gifts to show how much we love each other. And, of course, there is a high conception rate. Not that I care about that a lot but for many people parenting is exciting.

Anway...

as you can tell I'm a bit better than okay today. I've been kind of hyper the last few days and it came immediately on the heels of a depressive episode so I'm wondering if an "up" phase is in order. I haven't had any "happy" feelings per se...hell, it's normally irritation I experience - but I'm still feeling energetic and productive and that I can do a whole hell of a lot. 

So I guess tomorrow's "depressed and in love" experiment won't pan out like I want it to. Oh well. I guess the Valentine's cards will be interesting. Only a few of my friends out of the few I have know that I'm giving out cards but my name won't be on them so I wonder if the ones who don't know will know they came from me?

Anyway, I guess to end this pointless post I'm going to add in a few more weird cards for you all to enjoy. Until the next REAL post, these photos will serve their purpose of entertainment. Bye! (Warning: these are inappropriate and a couple contain some foul language. You have been warned.)

Personal Post #2 - Musings on the present

"I feel boxed in." -"Vicky's Box" by Throwing Muses

It's been a hell of a month for me. Well, January rather, but February is shaping up to be the same way. My mood has been mixed for such a long time I don't know what's coming next. Depressed but restless, sad yet energetic; my two halves have joined together.
I'm having trouble sleeping. I keep waking up early in the morning. Every time I do I want to go back to the blackness but I can't; once I'm up, I'm fucked.
I had a dream two nights ago about dying and it didn't bother me in the least. I haven't had urges to act on it, thank god, but at the same time it's just kind of "meh." Then again, I do frequent gore sites so I guess I'm just desensitized.
I have to go back to school tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. It's going to be hot, crowded, and stressful. I'm going to hate almost every minute of being there. Thank god I have friends. If I didn't I would have been found dead in a ditch somewhere by now, probably with a needle in my arm or something like that.
Okay, maybe not that horrible, but still. My friends mean a lot to me and not having any would be the death of me.

I'm sorry about the lack of posting, I really, truly am. It's very difficult to bring myself to keep up on things in my current state. I'll try to post again in the next couple of days with another Quick Overview or something like that. Don't know what it will be about but it's going to happen, damnit!

If you're reading this, have a good day. Sorry this post was so short, I just have things to do. I've been on the computer in my room all day and I have shit that needs done.

A Quick Overview: Disorders, Part 1 (A Few Common Ones)

Hello! It's been a long tie since I posted. Sorry about that. I took a few days off because, well, I am not doing so well right now. Still, I figured, what the hell, I might as well post a quick overview.
Today's subject focuses on common disorders, ones that you might think about when the word "Disorder" pops up. I will go over more in the future, but for right now, these will do.

#1 - Anxiety
Anxiety in itself is not one disorder. Think of it as a tree, with all of its different possibilities branches. There's Generalized Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Social Phobia, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Each disorder is unique and brought on by different things, although there a similarities in each one.
For today's anxiety discussion, I would like to focus on the first three. OCD and PTSD will come in a separate post because I feel that both will take a bit more explanation that I want to spend time on here.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder is basically what its name entails; generalized anxiety. People who experience this disorder just can't seem to get rid of their worries and concerns. They can't relax and are prone to being startled. They usually have sleeping troubles. Physical symptoms range from headaches to trembling to nausea and even having to use the restroom frequently. Most of the sufferers can tell that their anxiety is usually more than the situation warrants. GAD often beings at adolescence or young adulthood with slow, gradual development, with symptoms becoming better or worse at different times. When the anxiety is mild, people have no trouble going about their daily lives, but it's the opposite when it's high.

Panic Disorder is characterized by its main feature, which is panic attacks. A panic attack is a sudden attack of fear that can last for a few minutes that involves a fear of catastrophe or losing control even when danger is not present. The person may also have strong physical symptoms during an attack, such as racing heart, sweating, difficulty breathing, and chest pain. It may feel like a heart attack. Panic attacks can occur at any time, although some people have triggers.

Social Phobia is a fear of being judged and/or being embarrasses in social situations. While many people experience this fear, people with the disorder may feel the anxiety weeks in advance of the situation that is anticipated. Usually, people with this disorder are afraid of performing ordinary, commonplace acts in front of other people. They may even stay away from events which they feel might embarrass them. They tend to be very self-concious, have a hard time making and keeping friends, and blush/sweat/tremble in front of others.

#2 - Depression
Everybody, at times, feels sad. What makes depression so different from everyday sadness is how long it lasts. Depression interferes with daily life. It is common and serious. Many people with it never seek treatment. There are several forms of this disorder; in this case, I will focus mainly on major depression.
People with major depression usually feel sad, anxious, and empty. They may have feelings of hopelessness, guilt, and worthlessness. Sleep and eating problems are generally present. People with MD may also experience a loss of interest in once-pleasurable activities. Suicidal thoughts and feelings are also common.
Some forms of depression are unique. Such is the case with Postpartum Depression - when a woman gets the "baby blues", except the feelings persist. Also included is psychotic depression, when a person with severe depression goes into a form of psychosis.

#3 - Bipolar Disorder
Used to be known as manic depression, which I personally think is a much better term for this disorder. There are many types, the main two being Type I and Type II. It is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, activity, and energy. Characterized by mania and depression.

Mania (Type I) is a long period of time in which a person feels happy and energetic. Symptoms include a long period of happiness, extreme irritability, fast talking, being easily distracted, increasing the amount of activities which the person takes on, restlessness, decreased need for sleep, an unrealistic belief in one's abilities, and impulsively engaging in high risk activities. Hypomania (Type II) is a less severe form of mania. The person may feel good, be productive, and function well. The person may not think anything is wrong but others notice.

Symptoms of a depressive episode are the ones mentioned in the above post (depression).

A mixed episode is mania and depression at the same time.

People sometimes experience psychotic symptoms in either state.

#4 - Schizophrenia
Chronic, severe, and disabling. The mother of all disorders.
People with schizophrenia may hear voices that others don't hear, have delusions, and disorganized thinking. They might think others control their mind or that others are plotting to harm them. People with this disorder may not make sense when they talk; they may sit for hours and not move. Only when they talk do others realize what is going on in their head. Hallucinations are common; visual, auditory, olfactory, you name it.
They may experience a "flat affect" which makes the person seem dull and monotone. They experience a lack of pleasure in everyday life. Trouble focusing.
There are different subtypes of schizophrenia: paranoid, disorganized, catatonic, undifferentiated, and residual.

That's all for now. Up next, look out for OCD, PTSD, ADHD, and Autism. Eating Disorders may or may not be included.

Personal Post: Depressive Experiences, Part 1.

This is part of a recreational essay that I'm working on. It had no title yet, but when I finish it I'll figure something out. This is the first part of the essay, complete with some song lyrics that I added for good measure. It's a fantastic song by one of my favorite bands: Throwing Muses. Anyway, here's part 1.

“So my parachute is hanging around,

I guess I bust it on the ground.

Nothing helps me fall;

Nothing helps me float;

Today, I wanna walk away.”

-“No Parachutes” by Throwing Muses

The first time I talked to my mother about depression, I remember her asking, “When did it start?” to which I replied, “I don’t know.” To speak the truth, I still don’t know. I've always said that I woke up one day and I was depressed, but that’s not what happened; in all probability, it crept up on me, a black wave ready to smother its victim. Instead of facing the wave head-on, I turned my back, ignoring it completely. I paid the price.

My first episode did not cause great sadness; better put, it wasn't very deep yet. As time went on, and I experienced more episodes, the melancholy feelings only intensified. Even out of episodes, the depression ran in the background. During these episodes, I either ate too much or too little. Sometimes, I would go hours and hours without food, sometimes not eating until my mother made dinner that night. The insomnia I encountered each night became almost unbearable. I would lie in bed for hours, fall asleep, and then wake up a mere three or four hours later. Sleep never came easily, and when it did, I always overslept, going to bed at 9 and waking up at 11 or 12, sometimes staying in bed longer.

Depression is a tricky little bastard. It likes to stalk you and wait until your most vulnerable moment, and when that defenselessness is triggered, it strikes. Your whole being is consumed by this dark shadow, and you’re trapped in its grip, prey to the predator. Instead of killing you right away, it plays with its food, and causes you great distress. It’s like a cat playing with a mouse; the cat liked to rub it in the creature’s face, its way of saying, “Haha! You can’t escape from me!”

One thing I noticed that as time goes on, depression becomes easier and easier to hide. This may seem odd, considering that the sadness also becomes more severe; however, you become used to the way it feels to be blue, and how your body language and facial expressions cast that mood to everybody else. You can consciously realize how your posture is and what your face may look like and manipulate it to suit your needs. That was one of the first things I ever did to cope with depression.

I am terribly, horribly, deeply depressed. When I hit an episode, it is rock bottom. People noticed and questioned me, and I almost never had an answer. Once I started malfunctioning, I realized that I had to pick up a happy act and find many different coping methods.

So, I worked on my happy face, or at least, a normal one. Then, I learned about body language, specifically when somebody is sad. I figured out how to sit in my desk and look normal, when I was rotting on the inside. Trust me, it’s still difficult to do, and there are days where I slip up and everybody sees through my mask. Hell, my closest friends have grown to know better. It should also be noted that completely changing your body language and facial expressions is very difficult, and that I often slip up with something. When I hit the “numb” stage of my depression, it’s even harder to figure out what I’m supposed to do because my mind basically stops functioning and I find myself giving inappropriate responses to different situations. 

That's part 1. Part two will come in a week or so, probably longer considering I don't write everyday like most normal writers do. Goodbye for now!

A Quick Overview: Brain Chemicals

Today's post is going to talk about a few brain chemicals - neurotransmitters - that are often seen in mental illnesses, whether it be too much or too little. 

First up: Dopamine. Dopamine is associated with the brain's reward and pleasure systems. It helps regulate emotional responses, and it not only helps us see rewards, it helps us move towards them.  

Dopamine deficiency: Parkinson's Disease, more prone to addiction (possible). There is also evidence that schizophrenia alters levels of dopamine activity. Abnormally high transmission has been linked to psychosis and schizophrenia. In fact, many antipsychotics used to treat it have a main effect of reducing the value of dopamine activity in the brain. Altered neurotransmission is shown in ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). 

Next: Serotonin. Serotonin has various functions, the most common being mood, appetite, and sleep regulation. It also functions in memory and learning. 

A depletion of serotonin is linked with OCD, depression, and anxiety. Research also shows that there is less serotonin in the body when people first fall in love, which may explain the obsessive part. Drugs used to alter serotonin levels are commonly found in antidepressents, with many different types. There are MAOIs (Monoamine osidase inhibitors), TCAs (tricyclic antidepressents), and SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors.)

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone and plays a huge role in pair bonding. When you hug or kiss a loved one, up goes your oxytocin levels. This hormone is stimulated during sex, birth, and even breastfeeding. Low oxytocin levels have been connected to Autism and autistic spectrum disorders. 

Acetylcholine was the first neurotransmitter to be discovered. It plays an important role in learning, memory, and sending messages between motor nerves and muscles. There is a deficiency of this neurotransmitter in patients with Alzheimer's.

Endorphins are produced by the pituitary gland during exercise, excitement, love, sexual activity, and eating spicy food. While commonly known to produce "Runner's High", they are known to play a role in depersonalization disorder.

That's all for now. I will post again soon. 

A Quick Overview: Basics About Psychology/Psychologists

I'm surprised at the amount of people who don't know what psychology is, or anything basic about it, so to kick off my "Quick Overview" series I'm going to talk a bit about psychology, including people, places, and things.

First off, psychologists are not the super-intelligent beings who can track a criminal's every move as depicted in the movies or on television. Psychologists also don't all have gray facial hair and ask, "Talk about your mother." Usually, psychologists use their knowledge for therapy, and sometimes research. A majority of the field is dedicated to mental health illnesses. 

In basic terms, psychology is the study of the human mind and its behavior.

Discussions on psychology date back to Greek philosophers, although when most people think psychologist, they tend to think of Sigmund Freud or Carl Jung.

I would like to take a moment to discuss the difference between psychology and psychiatry, because I hear people using these terms as if they were synonyms! 

The biggest difference, and unarguably the most important, is where prescription medication is involved. Psychologists can assess and diagnose mental disorders, but they cannot prescribe anything to the patient. After diagnosing the patient, if medication is thought to be needed, the psychologist then refers the patient to a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists can do pretty much everything psychologists can do, but they can also prescribe medication. While psychiatrists can make more money and participate in studies about meds, there is a huge downfall. School. 

Psychiatrists have to first earn an undergraduate degree before they can attend med school and get an M.D. After that, they must then complete at least four years of residency training in mental health. Some may even receive additional training in a specific area of interest such as child, adolescent, addictions, etc.

I wanted to keep this short and sweet, although I think it's a bit too short. However, I will talk in-depth when I describe other things, so anything that isn't here will almost certainly be discussed at a later date.

Up next in my Quick Overview series: I think I'm going to talk about some chemicals in the brain that are often spoken of in different mental illnesses. Parts of the brain might be involved. I don't know. I'm winging this as I go along.

Also, for my first personal post sometime soon, I'm probably going to talk about what the illnesses feel like and not focus so much on my past. I want the feeling, not the trigger.

Tschüss!

Introduction: A Little of This, A Little of That

Willkommen!
For those of you wondering, that is 'welcome' in German. I do not speak German (yet) but I've learned some basic words that I'm going to start putting into use more often.
But we digress! And so soon!

My name is Lauren, and I made this blog to discuss something that I am extremely interested in: psychology. The title of this blog, however, may be a bit misleading. Let me say this: I'm not trying to be offensive. I hope I'm not being offensive. "The Psycho Diaries" is the title of a novel that I want to write sometime in the next few years and hopefully get it published. Also, I will be putting personal posts on this blog, so I guess it can be compared to a diary (an open-to-everyone diary, that is.)

I guess that you may want to know a bit about your blogger. Allow me to give you some background information.
My age will not be known right now and I do not plan on giving it away in the future.
Here is what I can tell you:

My first name is Lauren, and I am a girl. I am short, only about 5'1, and unremarkable in appearance. On the introvert-extrovert scale, I am a definite introvert. The Humanmetrics Jung Typology Test gives my personality type as INTJ, which is Introvert (78%), Intuitive (25%), Thinking (62%), and Judging (67%).
I am not diagnosed but believed to suffer from Anxiety, Depression, minor OCD, and Type II Bipolar Disorder.

Since that's out of the way, let me take a quick moment to discuss what will be seen on this blog in the next few weeks. I will be discussing some basics about psychology as well as many different mental disorders. Also, expect some personal posts. There's not going to be many, but expect them anyway.

I might be doing book reviews and discuss the psychology of certain books. We will definitely be going over Rat Girl by Kristin Hersh sometime soon - one of my favorite books of all time and one of the greatest "battling mental illness" stories ever.

That's all for now. See you soon!